Ever since I took my driving test, Abhi has been badgering me to write a post on my experiences. I seriously doubt that the request comes from a genuine desire to know, but here goes, all the same.
Dad had made it amply clear to me that I would graduate from washing the car to driving it, only once I turned 18 AND gotten atleast a learner's license. Eager to take him up on his word, I went to the RTO on the day I turned eighteen and applied for the learner's license. I had to produce every document like my birth certificate, telephone bill, water bill, ration card, passport, SSLC marks card, PUC admission letters and what not. I had taken along my grandmother's birth certificate too, but very surprisingly they didn't ask for it. Finally, I was ushered into a room to take the written test. The written test had impossible traffic situations like smiling traffic policemen, BMTC buses driving on the correct side of the road, pedestrians crossing at zebra crossings and green signal lights. There should have been a fourth option that said iv) Hahaha. Then I would have flunked the test. I finished the test and handed it over to a person who looked like Mr. T. N. Seshan, who informed me that I could now drive, but only with a person who was licensed to kill, sorry drive, on Indian roads.
I had a queer way of driving back then. I never used to know when to change gears, and used to rely on Dad to tell me. Therefore, when I went back for my driving test in 30 days, I took Dad along too. Fortunately, Dad was allowed to come with us on the test. I changed gears whenever Dad coughed, therefore, save the examiner thinking Dad had tuberculosis or something, no other damage was done. The final phase of the test was reversing the vehicle inside the Yeshwantpur market. I saw fleeting images of fruit and vegetable vendors leaping out of my way and yellow musambis flying into the air(as seen in the rearview mirror), Dad coughing like a chronic smoker(signalling me to apply the brakes before the car was fully wrecked) and the examiner shouting and flailing his arms to ward off certain death. Need I tell you what the outcome of the test was?
I subsequently passed the four-wheeler test, then went in for the two-wheeler test. The examiner had no doubts about wanting to accompany me on the ride. He told me to ride up to a certain point, make a U-turn and come back. I went up to the circle, signalled and turned perfectly, and came back. I was so euphoric that my eyes were totally clouded by tears. Due to this temporary loss of vision, I completely missed the RTO building entrance and went to the next building, wondering where the examiner and other applicants had disappeared suddenly. Disqualified for missing the target. My friends, watching the test from vantage positions outside the RTO, fell off their perches laughing at the sight.
For my California driving license test, I was forced to learn a 200-page booklet by-heart. Here everything is played by the book, by numbers. They even specify blood alcohol levels that designate you drunk or not drunk(We operate differently in India, right? If your father wears white khadi, gold bracelets and knows a lot of people in high places, then you're not drunk. Alternatively, if you are stopped near Windsor Manor, made to blow into a policeman's face, and the policeman falls down in a faint from the alcohol fumes, then you will be charged for drunken driving. I see some of you smiling..). There's absolutely no humor in the exam paper either. In India, for example, we have questions like:
6) You are driving in your car and you spot a cow near a zebra crossing. According to traffic rules,
a) You have to politely wait until the cow has crossed the road.
b) The cow has to let you cross first, since you have a car and the cow does not.
c) The cow cannot cross at zebra crossings; cows can cross only at cow crossings.
which send you guffawing, startling all the other test-takers and T. N. Seshan look-alikes.
In the US, all the questions are serious. For example, questions like:
2) You want to make a left turn at an upcoming intersection. You must
a) Put on your left turn indicators.
b) Put on your right turn indicators.
c) Put on your headlights.
make you sweat in the middle of a California afternoon. Thus, it was no mean feat that I managed to scrape through the test.
The driving test was very formal(an atmosphere that I am unaccustomed to, and which I particularly detest). My time-tested techniques like making eye-contact and smiling met with cold, blank stares. Other than accidentally sounding the horn(causing the entire neighborhood to jump up in surprise) and forgetting to change the gear from reverse to drive after parallel parking(causing the car to shoot backward and scare the wits out of a dog-walker and the examiner), there were no major mishaps. Not exactly flying colors, but I still managed to get through the test. I'd prefer Indian driving tests any day.
Lastly, I'll leave you with a little anecdote about how Abhi gave his two-wheeler test. With two years of rich illegal driving experience under his belt, Abhi appeared at the RTO one morning, bright and overconfident. Since the bike offered no guarantee of starting again if switched off, I was deputed to guard the bike while the other guys and girls positioned themselves at vantage points along the route to cheer him on. Tests started, and in a while, it was our hero's turn to show off his riding skills. Donning his leather jacket and helmet(like an overdressed Bollywood villain), Abhi set off with an overconfident smile. According to eyewitnesses, less than a minute had elapsed before our candidate disturbed a pack of dogs squabbling over some scraps of food. Assuming that he was a new dog in the fray, the pack turned on him in a trice. What a sight it was to see our knight rider roaring full speed toward the RTO, a pack of mongrels snapping at his upraised heels. Though he broke all the traffic rules possible within a 200-yard route, the kind inspector decided to grant a license to the lucky bugger. Maybe there was a comedy quota(like sports quota) for licenses that I didn't know of.
6 comments:
Ha ha ha ha... Very humorously written!! BTW, i have had a wondeful experience too during driving classes!! Shall post it sometime... And now i suppose you have you father's voice recorded to help you change gears and apply brakes!! :P :D
Nice, humorous post.Thank you for stopping by my blog.
Raji Ma'am: Thank you very much for visiting my blog!! I have been a silent reader of your blog for sometime and I love it!!
LOL!! Policemen smiling and BMTC driving carefully are the stuff dreams are made up of! :p Hilarious post!
@Silverine: True! So much so that when I see something like that on the roads, I reflexively check if there's something wrong.. :D Thanks for stopping by!! :)
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